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Would you befriend your 13-year-old on Facebook?
facebookmanThough naysayers have predicted that Facebook will eventually decrease in popularity and die out when networks of Facebook friends get too large and messages more impersonal, that day has yet to come.  Are you on Facebook? And if you have older children who are on Facebook, are they friends with YOU?

Being on Facebook is like putting up your social life and daily schedule for everyone to see – literally your FACE to the world. Most parents whose kids are on Facebook would do well to follow this simple guideline that should apply to them as well as their children: no listing of private particulars or details, photos, videos or anything that you would not want to share with strangers or casual acquaintances.  However, these aside – there is much that young people may NOT want to share with their parents in the interest of wanting their ‘private space’, and hence many would rather their parents NOT ‘befriend’ them.  However, as a parent, wouldn’t you want to ensure the safety of your children, especially with cyber predators lurking around the Internet? This is a tricky dilemma, and what works for your family may not work for others. Check out these views to help you decide what’s best for you.

“My Mum is my friend, and on Facebook too!”
As mentioned above, being your kid’s Facebook friend may help you keep an eye on your teen’s general circle of friends and what he or she is doing during spare time,  especially if your teen enjoys posting regular status updates. It can even alert you to a time management problem if you think your teen is spending too much time doing this. Generally speaking, if your children are barely in their teens and want to be or are already on Facebook, it is a better idea to do so only on condition that they befriend you. Many parents who keep tabs on their kids thru Facebook also say that it helps them get a sense of their children’s emotional well-being and state of mind – something that may not always be easy if they hardly see their kids due to clash of work and school hours. It can also help you understand your teen better in terms of trends, likes and dislikes.


My Mum wants to befriend me on Facebook – NO WAY!’
You have a good and open relationship with your teenager, and yet he or she would rather you not befriend them on Facebook – why? It happens to the ‘liberal’ of parents, and usually, because of the P word – Privacy.  Not wanting their parents to befriend them doesn’t necessarily mean there are things online they would get in trouble for if you were to find out. For many, being able to keep one side of their lives private gives them a greater sense of independence and control over their lives. If your teens are managing their schoolwork and free time well, then you may want to allow them this privilege of trust in them, and they may respect you all the more for it. All the same, some grounds rules should apply – that they don’t display personal particulars, risque photos/videos or details (should they even be taking such photos in the first place – remember the Tammy incident??), and don’t arrange meetups with strangers they meet via Facebook.
Note that even if your teen would rather you not befriend them on Facebook, there is quite a bit you can still find out – you can see how many friends your kids have, what kinds of friends they are, and importantly, you can track what kinds of friends they add to their list over time, which which may give you more insight into your children.

What's your own stand on this issue? Are you Friends with your teens and older children on Facebook? Let us know Cool

 
2 ballot slips for P1 = 2 chances?

2chances_blogSince the Education Ministry announced its decision last Monday to allocate two ballot slips to citizens instead of just one during balloting exercises, this has been a hot topic among parents both on and off the web. This move, together with the impending increase in school fees payable by non-citizens, have been explained as one of the measures to further differentiate between Singapore citizens, permanent residents (PRs) and foreigners in schools, and a way of according additional ‘privileges’ to Singapore citizens.

Differentiation – looks like it. But how much if an impact will this ‘privilege’ have? At first look, this does appear to increase the chances of parents hoping to secure a place for their child.  But to simply say that now every citizen has ‘two chances’ can be misleading. The  probability of getting a place still depends very much on firstly, the number of available places vs number of applicants, and secondly, the number of PRs vying for places. If a school has hardly any PR applicants, then each parent’s probability is unlike to change all that much since almost everyone else is getting an additional chance.

One must also note that while data from the Ministry of Education indicates that PR students comprise 8% of the total cohort, actual percentages vary in schools. Some schools, particularly elite ones do feature a significantly higher percentage of PR students.  So it stands to reason that citizens who would benefit most from the additional ballot slip are those whose schools of choice are highly sought after AND have a sizeable percentage of PRs among the total number of applicants.

For those who lament that this additional ballot slip won’t really help their chances of getting into an elite school, perhaps it is worthwhile to note that there are those who DON’T need this additional leg-up from the government at all – namely those who are happy to choose (NOT settle) for a neighbourhood school or one where there are enough places to do without the need for balloting. But this is another issue altogether...

What are your thoughts on the provision of 1 additional ballot slip for Singapore citizens? Do share your comments with us.
 

 
iSurgeon on iPhone? Not for my kid
iphonegalsIf you’re an iPhone user (or even if you’re not), you may have heard of a couple of apps that allow users to see what they would look like with a new nose, face lift or other surgical enhancement.  No big deal, I thought, what with iPhone apps popping up faster than you can say “Steve Jobs”, but then I read about a book entitled “My beautiful Mommy” developed by Miami cosmetic surgeon Dr Michael Salzhauer, who apparently wrote the book to help preschoolers cope with plastic surgery.

Though I haven’t seen the book, it started me thinking about the messages – both direct and subliminal that it might be sending to young minds who have yet to fathom the concept of ‘self-worth’ and ‘body beautiful’. One thing I’m quite sure about though is that the book isn’t peppered with gory or disturbing ‘BEFORE’ images of folks who, either as a result of unfortunate accidents or congenital issues, decided to go under the knife just to look ‘normal’.

What disturbed me was… what if such ‘kiddy’ books made their way into mainstream fare? I would want not want to reassure my son that his ‘Obama ears’ are perfectly normal and lovable, only to have him bring the book home from our well-equipped NLB branch and happily announce that if this ‘nice ang moh’ can make herself ‘beautiful’, so can he.  Worse still, to have him looking at my ‘bellydancing-ready’ figure with renewed interest…

As it is, it is difficult enough sometimes to get used to the idea of teens going for plastic surgery  but then again, with all the teen angst they claim to have to deal with, if a double eyelid will make that much of a difference in their self-confidence, then why not. But if kids who have yet to experience TRUE growing pains think that it is perfectly acceptable to plan a mini ‘niptuck’ or nosejob in well, a decade’s time when they’re at the ripe old age of 16, that’s just plain disturbing. Such an intent may well materialize someday but nevertheless, we should let every child have the benefit of time and maturity first, to let them grow up and learn more about themselves and find out what really matters to them in terms of their self-image. The ugly duckling may never get to  appreciate the swan she will become one day if she has a fixed image of what beauty should look like.

So for now, I will keep telling my son that yes, I love his ears and he should appreciate them too.  And that his friends don’t care even if his flaps block their view of the whiteboard in class ( ok I’m exaggerating a little), as long as he still loves to join them in a game of catch during recess.

And I will definitely keep a sharper eye on what he downloads on his iPod Touch, and be with him the next time he heads to the library.

What do you think of such 'niptuck' apps? How would you discuss the concept of plastic surgery with your child? Do let us know.

 
I'll take 4 A stars, how much please?

GetAsWhat price will parents pay to ensure that their children do well in the exams?
Assessment books and reputable tutors… check.
Suspending all ‘unrelated’ activities so that kids get enough time to rest and revise… DOUBLE check.
But will parents grab the chance to get ‘leaked’ exam questions?

I was reading a TODAY article about a tuition agency that had placed misleading ads in the  papers, offering PSLE revision classes ‘by this year (sic) exam setter. ‘O’ level revision by SEAB teachers Oct 1st’. Not surprisingly, these ads raised alarm bells among parents, the media and the authorities. Mediacorp investigations revealed that the ad was not true, and I was glad to note that SEAB was now investigating the case, and it seemed that the agency owner who had placed the ad was neither an SEAB staff member nor a PSLE question setter.

The agency owner had claimed that only two parents responded to his ads and only one signed up for the revision class. I wonder if he was telling the truth… would the SEAB come down harder on him if hordes of parents had signed up for his programme instead of none or a mere handful? And what would that say about the values we hold as parents?

On the basis of sheer common sense and logic, I believe that most parents would decline such an offer. Just as how we would probably shrug our heads and smile at the kopitiam uncle hawking tomorrow’s ‘sure-win’ 4D numbers for the price of a cup of teh, or junk that email offering an iPhone ‘for just $250’. Because – it CANNOT BE THAT EASY.  MOE and the SEAB go into lengthy explanations each year to reassure one and all that they have safeguards in place to maintain the confidentiality and integrity of the examinations, such as the requirement that ‘all setters, including teachers, of national examinations sign an undertaking declaring that there is no conflict of interests and to comply with confidentiality requirements and safeguard all official information they have come across in the course of their duties’.

But, suppose we have reason to believe that the leak is genuine? Would we give in to temptation? I would like to hope not, but for as long as the PSLE remains the major source of worry for parents of 12-year-olds everywhere, there will be some who succumb, in the hope of being spared the (potential) look of dejection on their child’s face, or to secure their child’s future - at least for the next few years.

And if such a thing does happen and word gets out, it would undermine the entire system that local schoolchildren have been geared towards, whether we like it or not – that dogged effort and diligence will pay out; that if you’ve been playing one too many videogames at the wrong time, your results WILL suck.

I hope that it will never come to that. There are good tutors and honest tuition centres that don’t promise the moon or 4 A*s, but will work reasonably hard with our children to bring out their potential. The more we see of them, and the less of underhanded tactics, the better for all of us.

What do you think of such tuition agencies with misleading ads? Would you be tempted by such offers?  Do share your thoughts below.
 

 
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