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 When my boys started to attend school, we would dutifully take out (‘dust off’ actually) our “ethnic costumes” the night before Racial Harmony Day and pick one presentable enough to withstand the day’s activities. And as luck would have it, the older one was due to participate in a capteh competition today, so I thought – ok, plenty of legroom for stretching and kicking is more important that a more stylish one…never mind if the pair we picked looked like baggy satin pajamas.
I never had problems dressing my kids whenever the “ethnic costume” note came in from their schools, so I chuckled to myself when Friend A said that her soon-to-be 5-year-old son Dayan balked at having to wear an ethnic costume for school. On the bright side though, she was glad that her son was not so keen on being “coded “ethnically” and according to the clothes he wears. Friend B remarked said that the only reason he felt that way was because he was not wearing it often enough, and that if he did, he would think it was the norm, ‘just like the aunties who wear their pajamas to the market every day.’ (I have something else to say about that, but I’ll stay on topic for now  .)
I was glad that my own boys didn’t complicate matters for me, but I was wondering if they felt more conscious about being “Malay” or being “ethnically coded” whenever they wore their Baju Melayu. The older one, particularly, enjoyed wearing his baju whenever the occasion called for it. So I asked him, “I notice that you like wearing your Baju Melayu. Why?”
My 9-year-old’s practical reply, “I like it because I can run better; my school shorts are too tight. But I don’t like it when the auntie at the coffeeshop asks me if I want extra sambal for my nasi lemak. She never asks me if I want sambal when I wear my uniform. Sometime she doesn’t ask and just gives a lot, so wasted! When I asked her why she gives me so much sambal, she said “Malays eat sambal, you are Malay right?’”
So from this reply, I deduced the following and shared them with my boy:
- My boy needs new shorts
- Wearing Baju Melayu makes my boy look more Malay
- Some people perceive that Malays eat more chilli than members of other ethnic groups
While he had no difficulty processing no. 1, it took a while to explain numbers 2 and 3. That we all give out a certain “code” to others based on how we look, what we wear, even HOW we wear it, and that this will conjure up different “rules of engagement”. Like rain when you’ve just hung your clothes out to dry, or floods in Orchard Road, like it or not, that’s how the wheel turns and will continue to turn. The lady in tudong would never be offered a sample of bak kwa at the neighbourhood supermarket. But the fair ‘ah pek’ with greying hair and single eyelids might smile bemusedly at the teenage newspaper boy who tries to sell him a copy of Lianhe Zaobao, before he replies, "Ada Berita Harian tak?"
As simply as possible, I tried to explain all these. And I posed this question: should we do anything about it, when we know it happens all the time and isn’t about to stop anytime soon?
Again – a practical boy demands a practical solution and we agreed: If it will make people unhappy, or something not good will happen because of it, then perhaps we should do something if we can. And we further agreed that wastage, even of sambal, was NOT GOOD.
So, I reminded my son that the next time he buys nasi lemak while dressed in his Baju Melayu, he should say, “Auntie, I am Malay but I don’t like sambal. But my best friend, who is Chinese, eats a LOT of sambal.”
And the next time I buy food from the same stall, I will remind her that I don’t take much sambal either.
What are your thoughts on reading this? We would love to hear from you.
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