My friend's ten-year-old son went missing for 2 hours last Friday.
After much frantic searching, his parents found that he had gone over to a friend’s house to do some project work. Though he had contacted their house phone after school ended for the day, he could not leave a message as the mailbox was full. It would seem that this episode ended well, except when he said, "See, you should have given me a handphone."
The cellphone issue had been a testy one for some time. His parents even wondered if their boy had purposely gone AWOL just to make them wish that he indeed had a phone. All the same, he did get his wish – a very basic phone which he could only use to call home and a few other pre-selected numbers. No MMS, internet, radio, mp3 player.. nothing.
Having a cellphone may may seem the easy way of keeping track of a child’s whereabouts, but there is so much potential for abuse and distraction – too much yakking and texting, cellphone bullying and of course, high phone bills. Plus, many schools don’t allow cellphones to be carried around during lessontime and insist that they be kept in lockers. So what’s the point of getting them in the first place?
It all boils down to… peace of mind. Most parents I know are aware of potential pitfalls, but nobody wants to be caught in a ‘what if…’ situation. Some friends I know have devised interesting methods to help manage their children’s cellphone use. Two of these are:
1) Signing a cellphone contract
We’re not talking about the telco contract (though its easy enough to add on another line nowadays for just a few extra dollars a month). This is a contract between parents and child, with basic grounds rules such as the following:
- no calling / using of phone at home unless absolutely necessary (house phone to be used)
- to keep within an agreed total calltime and no of SMSes for the month OR phone bill limit
- no bringing of the phone to the dinner table
- no sending of threatening / bullying messages to others
- to ensure the phone is always charged and switched ON when your child brings it along outside the home
The type and number of rules are really up to the parents and child. The main thing here is to ensure that both parties are very clear on what would happen if the rules are broken e.g. the phone would be taken back. Signing a contract is a very ‘adult thing’ to do, and my friend who did this remarked that her 11-year-old was quite proud to be granted this responsibility, and so far she has not faced any problems.
2) Sign-IN / Sign-out System
For those with younger kids, especially if they tend to have a regular daily routine, this option helped parents to limit the use of the phone to only when necessary, e.g. when the child would need to contact the parent later regarding pick-up time after a field trip or delayed enrichment class.
Whether you think your preteen needs or should have a cellphone, most parents I spoke to agree on one thing though - in cellphone-crazy Singapore, it is only a matter of time before teens start asking for their own phone. As such, one point of view is that if you start exposing them young, way before they starting socializing on their own with their teenage friends, this gives them time to learn to manage their own cellphone use.
