Making friends is a skill, just like playing the piano or riding a bike. Skills can be learned and behaviors can be changed. While it may require more effort for some people to be comfortable in groups, it can be learned, especially if the child is willing to put forth the effort and knows that she has your support.

Encourage a child's positive efforts to get along with peers and to find a friend, even when it appears that such attempts are not meeting with success. Remind her of the fine qualities that she has that will add to the friendship when just the right person comes along.

Another reminder is that making just the right friend for her may take some time and not to give up. Help her to see what she has to offer as a friend. For example, you might say: "I really appreciate it when my friends call me and invite me places. It makes me feel welcome and accepted. Even on the times when I am not able to go, I still feel good to know they thought of me. That is why I treat them with kindness and respect, because that is how I want to be treated."

In my workshops I find it helpful to make a list of what people look for in a friend. You may want to make such a list with your child. After brainstorming it is easy to include such things as:

• Trustworthy

• Kind and compassionate

• Willing to share happy and sad times

• Loyal, will watch my back

• Sense of humor

• Positive attitude, upbeat

• Similar interests

• Fun to be with

• Not be too possessive or needy

• Cooperative

• Enjoys being with me