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 With a few exceptions, most people need to feel that they belong, and to feel connected with others who share similar interests and attitudes. This is particularly so during the teen years, when young adults learn to forge their own friendships and in doing so, also learn more about themselves and how to socialise with others.
However, unlike in Primary school when you can closely monitor your child’s friends and there is less social contact outside of school hours, you probably cannot do the same with your teenager. So how do you know if your teen’s friendships may be doing more harm than good? Look out for these signs:
1. Talks about a certain friend or group of friends all the time, while making fun of others
2. Declines to answer questions about his or her friends or gets upset when you ask even general questions
3. Spends more time than usual alone in his/her room chatting on the phone or using online chat programmes
4. Puts the phone down quickly or changes the conversation when a parent is listening
5. Change in attitude and use of words (especially if he or she starts to use profanity, or exhibits rudeness or disregard for basic courtesy)
6. Shows little interest in or disregard for family-related activities or ‘family time’
7. Increase in spending pattern or shopping habits (especially if you cannot ‘see’ where the additional pocket money is going)
8. Looks apprehensive when receiving certain calls, or avoids certain friends
9. Avoids situations where you meet his/her friends
10. Lack in interest in studies / drop in school performance (you shouldn't wait for this one!)
If your teen shows any of the above it may not mean that friends are causing the problem, but it may signal a need for more communication to see what is going on in your teen’s life. Some of the above may not even happen if you take an active interest in your teen’s friendships from the beginning – i.e. inviting them over for a get-together at your home or meeting them briefly when you drop off your teen for an outing, asking (subtly of course) the form teacher about your teen’s ‘clique’ of friends etc. If you have difficulty in reaching out to your teen, perhaps a third party may help. Sometimes, a teen may feel closer to a younger ‘cool’ aunt or uncle, or even their teachers rather than their parents during this stage of their lives. If so, find someone that your teen may be willing to open up to, so you can find out what what is going on.
Do you have other tips to share with other parents of teenagers? We would love to hear from you.
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Family Focus 